How to contract brain rot

published 2023-06-26
last updated 2023-06-26

A guide to destroying yourself in the modern age

• Spend as much time looking at a screen as possible. Your eyes should hurt and your thinking foggy. Do not read books.
• Bombard yourself with media. The shorter the intervals, the better. Never have a free moment, and never under any circumstances allow yourself to be bored.
• Maximize for emotionally distressing material-- social, cultural, economical, and political strife. Do not ground yourself in your immediate reality. Concern yourself with huge societal issues that you have no agency over and do not affect your life. You should feel helpless and hopeless, and blind to the inherent opportunities of each new day.
• Do not connect with real humans in your local community. Mediate your social interactions digitally. The more impersonal, the better.
• Commodify as much of your existence as you can. All activity, spaces, and relationships you partake in should be permeated with transactions, purchases, and advertisements.
• Frequent digital spaces that are saturated with sexually provocative content. Pervert your already-overwhelmed mind and destabilize your mood as often as you can.
• Do not go outside; do not walk anywhere; do not get exercise or exposure to nature. Do not give your body the opportunity to balance out your neurochemistry.
• Do not prepare your own food. Surrender your will and money to unhealthy and uncaring food vendors. (Tip: Food delivery services can be very useful for aiding in multiple kinds of bankruptcy.)
• Be selfish in your thinking. Don't do anything for others without compensation. Be cynical and fearful of your neighbours.
• Do not expose yourself to new and different ideas. Insulate yourself in your delusions.
• Be in a state of perpetual soul-searching; don't trust your own intuitions, beliefs, or convictions of your heart. Other people have all the answers.
• Try to do everything at once. Do not break large tasks into small ones. Even one step should seem insurmountable, every idea inconceivable.
• Give up hope. People are worthless. Life is pointless. Better is impossible.

Congratulations. You now have at least one mental illness(es), real or imagined.